Let's run away and don't ever look back...

Today was boring. But still a good one :D I was a bit stressed out for Human Bio test but it turned out okay...I guess. Sometimes I wonder what the hell was I thinking when I chose it :-S I thought I could handle it...well I still can, it's gonna be a lot harder than other subjects, that's it.

Tomorrow's gonna be an awesome day! I don't know why I feel like that, it's just there =] Even though we have biology and ICT test...ugh.

Saw my mom in school today, but then she went to KLCC with her friend and I continued waiting for Shannon until 3 because she got detention. And by the way, if you're reading this Shanz, WHY DO YOU GET PISSED EASILY OVER STUPID THINGS? It's not good. Nah. Drama much?

Mr.Badaoui is our class teacher now...he's kinda cool, but very firm at the same time. The best thing about him is that he doesn't treat us like kids...he treats us like young adults. Well that's because he's not that old yet...so he understands :P

I'm not gonna write about THAT anymore. And today, all of a sudden, I got so blue in the class. I was close to crying, but then I got mad at myself...and I made a deal. I'M NEVER GONNA SHED ANOTHER TEAR FOR HIM ANYMORE. I promised myself :) So then I just tried to smile and shake it off...kinda worked I guess. Hmmm. I feel like I'm in control of myself. Finally. :)

So...now I'm home alone...hungry...sleepy...happy...and watching Mamma Mia! :P
I love the way they suddenly burst out singing ABBA's songs. And Amanda Seyfried is soooo PRETTY! <3

Looking forward to tomorrow! =]

imma get your heart racin' :)

ASSESSMENT WEEK! It's just assessments but I can't help noticing the actual exams are only two weeks away. :-/ Chemistry was okay today, because I woke up at 2 in the morning and studied until 5! :P I love those hours. Everyone's sleeping, everything's quiet, and I have the house all to myself. But tomorrow I have Human Biology test...and it's a lot harder and heavier so I should study NOW...Pfffff. Sleepy head...

Today, we had the English assessment, and we could choose between three options for a story. I went with the first one, it was about the chances you could take but you didn't. I wrote my story, it wasn't from my point of view...I think I did a good job. It didn't sound silly. And the teacher agrees :P She thinks I'm too good in writing for my age. Probably thinks I rip off my homework from the internet.

Isn't it another awesome day? Haircuts really help see things differently :P And I'm not just talking about the one I got yesterday. :-"""" hihi.

They changed our class AGAIN. I think it was the fourth time...they want us to be closer to staff room so they could handle us better...but they don't know it's not gonna help lol. But honestly, I love my class. We're really like a family. And...I discovered something else about myself. I'm a good leader. People LISTEN to me. And well...I like that...hehe. It feels right. I don't mind responsibilities, I don't mind working hard...a typical Capricorn! xD

Hmmm...what else...I'm trying to write more to avoid studying hehe...
Oh! Aleksander's party! It's gonna be epic. :)

P.S: Katy Perry is so effing hot! o.O <3

Time flieeeeeeSssss

There's something about my face that has changed, I've no idea what it is, but everyone keep telling me that. I guess the way I feel really shows in my face, like for real. It's kinda cool. :)

And since I'm happy and peaceful, my face is literally shining these days :P I feel good. I CAN feel good.

That Monday was two weeks ago, but it feels like two years, SO faaaar that I can't actually believe it happened. Everything happened so fast, the way he changed was so fast, that now I really doubt we are anything but strangers to each other. I don't care...anymore. I'm used, but I learned my lesson. And it cost me all of my friends. :|

But I'm gonna be strong again...you just wait and see!

It's still so weird. It's like I need proof to remind me that it was REAL.

Life is in flash forward...term exams in three weeks! o.O and then one month holiday...and probably Iran...and then my birthday, Persian new year, final exams and whoa, summer again, year 11...And then flash forward again. And then my life's over :P

Now that I look back, I was nothing special to you. I'm glad I realized it soon enough...cause I could never be able to let go without knowing it.

I know a place where the grass is really greener...

It's a peaceful Sunday afternoon, I'm raping the delicious peanut butter and listening to the sound of heavy rain outside.
I'm feeling great...a lot better. I don't know what happened, it's like it happened very fast and ended very fast. It's like the past two weeks were not real. Well, there aren't real anymore. Cause I decided to forget them.

I'm looking forward to lots of great things which make me feel excited by just thinking about them now! It's gonna be AMAZING. =)

And...I don't want to go back to Iran...there's nothing left for me there. But since I'm the youngest and since I'm always the one whose wants are overlooked, they're gonna go back and I have to follow them. What I really want is one great month being on my own, sort things out, and see if I can survive without my mom. Seriously, I'm not a child anymore, they should start letting me go. I can't stick to my parents for the rest of my life...

Anyway, maybe it's good to leave here for a while. Maybe not. I don't know.

STAY THE HELL WITH ME.

I feel like he's avoiding me, and I know what I've done was stupid...but I don't wanna lose him as a friend. I'll back off. Just stay there. Never ever think of leaving...! =]

Today I felt beautiful. There was something about my eyes, the peace and happiness I felt reflected so deep in them. They were really shining...

It's like I'm torn, there's this happy carefree girl who's in love with life, tries her best to help others and loves her friends...the girl that nothing can seem to be able to upset her. The one that just randomly dances and jumps and sings and hugs people... The one that makes everyone happy by just being there. The one that I like the most. The one that's strong around you. The one that never gets nervous when she sees you, the one that you love...

But there's the other part, the sad and depressed girl that is always quite and there's always something serious and cold about her. The one that cries every night, the one that dies when she sees you. The one who can't stand those around you, the one that hates her enemies, the one without a heart, the one you hate to be around.

I just think that today was the awesome one's day. :) And she really shined like a star.

P.S: English was okay, no need to skip. It's weekend...but assessments start on Monday, and believe me I'm ready to rock! xD

The Whole World Stops And Stares For A While

Today was a very good one. =)
For the first time in a...long time...well actually, for the first time ever!, my eyes weren't searching for him all day. For once, I didn't feel like I miss him that much. For once, I didn't feel my heart racing and my face getting hot when I saw him and talked to him. For once...for the first time ever. :)

And I'll just try to forget anything that has happened in the past two weeks. THAT never happened. I'll make sure it never did...

I'm just trying to take care of myself and put a great cover on. It doesn't mean anything's changed deep inside.

P.S: Planning to skip English period tomorrow, that teacher is a monster. Any suggestions? Mine includes hiding in the toilet for one hour and reading my book. Hehe...

A New DawN

No school for two days, and it's because I'm sick, but actually I'm glad that I haven't seen people for a while. I'm KINDA hiding from them, and I think I needed this time...I don't know what I'm gonna do tomorrow, and how to face them :-s

But...I'll just be me...strong...and trying to have fun...and jump and dance in class like a mad girl as usual :P
It's a lot easier when I don't give a damn about what those crappy bitches think. :|

Tomorrow's another day...?!
Ahhh, how I adore Scarlett and how she managed to survive.

Sometimes I'm gonna have to loSe

I'm gonna survive this, but it's gonna be real hard.
It's like, I have to REBUILD myself.
Hmmm...should start focusing on the more important stuff that I've forgotten for a while because of HIM. :|

It's hard...it's...hard...

I think I thought I saw you try...?

So my mom JUST caught me cryin in my room. Now she keeps asking me what's happened every five minutes. It sucks.
And you know what...my tears ain't precious...they're there for every fucking stupid thing and person...I'm ashamed.
BUT THAT'S JUST HOW IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE.

crAp

I feel like a piece of trash, used and now thrown out...
I'm sick of being denied.
You can't just be like that when nobody's around and act like you don't know me in public.
It's either yes or no...
I'M TIRED OF GAMES.

Toxic

So, I finally went with the dangerous one. And it was worth every bit of it, even though it can still be nothing at any moment. But that's where I belong...

Was yesterday even real?

I REALLY don't think so... :P

I don't know what happened.

P.S: Now I'm havin a hard time, feeling guilty for the stable goody thing that's still there for me...

You're dangerous...and I'm lovin' it

What would you do, if you had two very different roads to choose...?

The first one is a solid, stable thing, which is always there no matter what...

The other one is something that looks charming, you're attracted to it like hell, but there's no guarantee, there's nothing...it can be just nothing.

Which one would you choose?

The one that's not really gonna make you happy but is always there...or the one you truly love but can't know for sure you'll have?

I'm so freaking confused.

But I know what I'm gonna decide...know myself more than enough.

PEACE

I just wish that I could live in yesterday forever.

And by yesterday, I really mean YESTERDAY, 24 hours ago I finally felt like myself. I didn't pretend, I didn't fake a thing...

But oh well, then again, I hurt myself last night, yelling at myself, it was craaaazzzzzyyyyy.

I don't care what happens next. I'm just glad I finally took it out. It doesn't matter what will happen! :D

P.S: Today was fun. Rain in the morning so no activities...lol =p

Never belonged to your world.

Tell them what I hoped would be impossible. :|

ImposSible

Grrrr...first of all I hate to be so emo here. But that's the only place I can be like this, I promise. I'm nothing like that in the...real world...I guess. Anywayz, forgive me if you want. And I'm sorry if this is some kind of girly crap.

So I cried today, a lot, when I was sitting with Kiarash. I didn't want him to see that but I just really needed to...it was the worst feeling ever. He said everything's gonna be okay, and said things that were nice but I know they're never true...it's crazy. But still, he's my best friend, the only one that understands. I really had no one else to turn to so I went to him, and while waiting I saw THEM. Not a good thing.

But here I am, survived. Almost.

Tears really help I gueSs

DEMONS

I'm SUCH a stalker, I'm such an easy girl, And I always ruin everything...

And I always end up left alone, and so far nobody's found me good enough to love.

I'm in a huge fight with my mom and best friend, everything's going wrong,

And life SUCKS,

BIG TIME.

I don't even have a friend to ask me what's going on, what's wrong with me, and just tell me everything's gonna be okay even though we both know it's a lie...

I'm jealous, cold, depressed, a drama queen...

And at this moment, I HATE MYSELF.

Taking ChanceS?

I want to tell him, but I know it'll ruin everything.

Sigh...

Such a lonely day...and it's miNe

Today was blank.

Blurry.

Sad.

Lonely...

I can REALLY use a wish right now

It's hard to believe how fast things can change, how fast things DID change, in just a few days. My life it's just so different now, and it all happened in less than two weeks. I can't describe it...it's just that, everything looks so far away! Like I'm not here. Like it's not me, doing all these things, saying all these things, it's just not like me!

Today was supposed to be great,amazing,brilliant,super,extraordinary...

And then just 10 minutes before the meeting she called and canceled it, without a reason why, and I'm wondering why I'm not mad at her yet, why am I not devastated, why...was I so calm? She basically RUINED everything without even saying a simple 'sorry' , and then she snapped at me for asking why. WHY THE HECK I DIDN'T FIGHT WITH HER?

Maybe, maybe maybe maybe it was better for us, maybe it wouldn't be the day I wanted. Sigh...I don't know. I just can't be mad at her. Sure, I'm gonna be a lil cold to her for the next few days, but I know I'll forget. I just can't stay mad at her.

Anyway...

It's just so weird to me, the way she acts...

But I had fun today :) Maybe that was the amazing thing about today. Simply having a good time and well...I was CLOSE to him today :-" :P

Stop being so attractive, you're distracting me! :P

OMG I'm too tired to type...today was so freaking fun! After staying back for almost two hours after school and almost doing nothing (Cuz the music teacher was so bitchy! She didn't let us practice in music room! :-L ) I went home, dressed up, and went to Yassi's house to surprise her for her birthday which is today...I was waiting by the pool when I suddenly realized that the guys in the basketball court actually look familiar...and wow, they were all sayfol guys, shirtless! OMG OMG we laughed so hard at theM :D Toooooo sad we didn't have a camera! :(

Then we jumped in the swimming pool and had funnnnn till it was too dark to see. Actually she has a party tomorrow xD

No school tomorrow haha. Nava's going back to Iran and I have to be with her :( It's just...too soon...Meh.

I miss Iran. It's getting cold there...I want to be there :(

Got a headache...I think I've a cold. By the way, life's still amazing :) !

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn...

Today was a good one. TWO FREE PERIODS! xD But then again, the English part was bad, and Ms.Joyce wasn't in a good mood. :-/ meh. Anywayz I had fun listening to music for the whole two hours :D

Something about me has changed, and I'm really trying hard to know what is it...It's a good thing, but still!

DO I NEED TO REPEAT THAT I'M SO DAMN NERVOUS FOR THE PERFORMANCE THING? :-SS

Nah.

I'm seriously dying. LOL.

See?! I'm updating this...daily... :-"

Start Of Something New?!

Okay, I know I'm soooo lazy! Haven't updated this poor thing for eight months. I know, I know...I'm just too busy. And I just have too many places to write :P

So, where do I start? A LOT has happened in these eight months. Guess I'll just try to update this more often, even daily maybe?! Haha. I don't know. I wish!

I THINK I'm gonna sing in front of the whole school next Monday, for the Hari Raia performance. I'm SO damn nervous, and whenever I think of it I just wanna throw up. The bad part is that, the song which I'm supposed to sing is not my favorite, and I'm not cool with it. I really really really wish it was Kelly Clarkson's Because Of You! I've sang this for five freaking years and I'm PRO. But Leona Lewis' I Will Be?! It's not my type. Anywayz...I just hope that I won't screw it up. The whole school...OMFG. Sometimes I just wanna step back...but I know that's the only way I can start. Complicated, eh?

I'm loving the school life. Last year, I was new and didn't know many people, I was shy, I didn't know how to behave in a new place. But now here I am, I've got lots of friends, I'm social (well...at least a bit more:P) I smile, I talk loudly, I volunteer for things, I'm always there. I love everything. My class this year is waaay cooler than last year's, at least there are no mean girls. Yet. I love my friends :)

And oh well...as usual...I have a crush :) That makes school fun too :P He's...cute...I think about him everyday. Haizzzz...

BUT I'm too scared to do the first move, what if he doesn't like me back?! I don't wanna risk...

Gonna go to bed now, got tuition tomorrow :( It's 23:50.

I love life :)

P.S: Vampire Diaries is baaack! The first episode was mind blowing. Poor Damon...!!