I feel like I've completely lost all of my hopes, dreams, goals, things that I've planned...it's like I don't want to try anymore, I don't wanna care, I don't wanna know what will happen to others if I do it. I'm numb...I was always sure that no matter what happens I'll never ever be able to end this, I can never kill myself, because I was too in love with life. I knew that even when it seems like the world has ended and there's no way to fix things, there's ALWAYS a way. And anyway, I couldn't be selfish. There are some people who may not show it now but they care about me, and their lives will be ruined. My family. My parents...So it was never an 'option' for me.
But now...I just don't want to care about all of these. I just wanna 'disappear'. To 'disconnect' from the world for a while, at least. Then all the goals I want to reach come into my head, all my dreams, what I will be, what I can be, everything that I have planned for. But they're not enough anymore. So what that I wanted to change the world, so what if I wanted to be this...SO WHAT, SO WHAT. Just let me go. And so what that I'll hurt them...I won't be here to watch the pain, so what?
I'm being very selfish.
And then, if I go, you'll realize the chances we wasted, the times we could have had...
I was a pretty good writer when I was your age, Setareh. But, if you wrote this post, you are a far better writer than I ever was. Yeah, learn a science and keep writing your thoughts and feelings. You are really going to be someone extraordinary. I am sure of it.
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