and we had magic.

Tomorrow the exams are officially gonna start but since it's ENGLISH for God's sake, I'm not even in the super exam mood :D I mean, I studied some biology, but that's just about it. And I feel guilty for not studying too hard when all my mom does these days is saying how her friends' daughters are studying their asses off. I feel stressed. I feel horrible. I never let anything out so she thinks I'm chill and don't give a damn about exams but she never knew me and she never will. I never had a actual close relationship with my mother. It's just that, she doesn't understand certain things that goes up higher than basic levels. But my dad does. And that's why I adore him. We're similar in so many ways, but me and my mom...we're just worlds apart.

Today Shannon asked me if I miss him, and as I'm always honest with her I said not really. It's true. I mean it's nice when I see him but when I don't, I don't get this ache, I don't feel hopeless, I don't feel like texting him 24/7. As a matter of fact I've been ignoring his calls and texts, and that's bad. Not that I hate him, it's just that sometimes I just wanna hide and don't have social contact with any human being. I don't know why. So I'm doubting it, but then again I'm not in my best mood. I'm still confused and mentally paralyzed - not as much as before but I'm still lost. And my dad just got to KL on Tuesday, and exams, my mind is too full for him. AND I knew it, the second I told him 'yes' I knew this would happen, but that's just a disadvantage of a steady but boring relationship. Nothing can ever be perfect. When it is, you just got to marry that person :D

I miss Alex. I miss having those weird conversations. I miss being one of the few people he actually trusts. I miss everything. We're still on good terms but then again...THAT is lost. I hope we'll have it again someday far in the future when we're both different and more mature.

Went shopping with Shanz, I spent RM 150 in one day o.O feels good though! Shopping really can make anyone feel better :P

P.S: Loving the family time. Too bad it's only a few weeks a year...