everything you touch just trembles doWn

EXAM WEEK'S COMING TO AN END! 

And I'm not really happy about it at all, honestly I don't know what I'm gonna do during the holidays. I'll miss the awesome people. And some of them are already about to leave us next term so I use every chance I get to spend some time with them :(

Human bio is my last serious test - tomorrow - after that weekend and stupid commerce on Monday and then boom, freedom. 

My right wrist is still injured so it's kinda bandaged with a medical waist supporter and typing is not easy lol. 

Everything's a bit better. I somehow managed to stop myself from being thrown in the huge black hole that took the life outta me the last time it happened. I'm beginning to gain control of things. Except for a few.

I enjoy talking to him and I shouldn't. It's wrong. I keep telling myself that we're just friends but it's not easy being just friends with somebody who has just confessed his feelings for you, and honestly I'm more attracted to him than my boring boyfriend. But I don't wanna hurt anybody, I wanna do the right thing and stay the good boring girlfriend for him and the caring friend for 'him'. But I know myself. I always mess things up anyway. :-/ 

I wish, I just wish that this blog was private for once. There are things that I can't confess to anyone else without them hating me for it. Shannon always judges, Alex is too cool for this kind of stuff, parents are just NO, HE just won't understand, and others are not close enough. The only person that I could really talk to without worrying that he'll judge me for being my true self is gone. Well, not practically gone, but yeah. Distance. Fucking distance. :|

and we had magic.

Tomorrow the exams are officially gonna start but since it's ENGLISH for God's sake, I'm not even in the super exam mood :D I mean, I studied some biology, but that's just about it. And I feel guilty for not studying too hard when all my mom does these days is saying how her friends' daughters are studying their asses off. I feel stressed. I feel horrible. I never let anything out so she thinks I'm chill and don't give a damn about exams but she never knew me and she never will. I never had a actual close relationship with my mother. It's just that, she doesn't understand certain things that goes up higher than basic levels. But my dad does. And that's why I adore him. We're similar in so many ways, but me and my mom...we're just worlds apart.

Today Shannon asked me if I miss him, and as I'm always honest with her I said not really. It's true. I mean it's nice when I see him but when I don't, I don't get this ache, I don't feel hopeless, I don't feel like texting him 24/7. As a matter of fact I've been ignoring his calls and texts, and that's bad. Not that I hate him, it's just that sometimes I just wanna hide and don't have social contact with any human being. I don't know why. So I'm doubting it, but then again I'm not in my best mood. I'm still confused and mentally paralyzed - not as much as before but I'm still lost. And my dad just got to KL on Tuesday, and exams, my mind is too full for him. AND I knew it, the second I told him 'yes' I knew this would happen, but that's just a disadvantage of a steady but boring relationship. Nothing can ever be perfect. When it is, you just got to marry that person :D

I miss Alex. I miss having those weird conversations. I miss being one of the few people he actually trusts. I miss everything. We're still on good terms but then again...THAT is lost. I hope we'll have it again someday far in the future when we're both different and more mature.

Went shopping with Shanz, I spent RM 150 in one day o.O feels good though! Shopping really can make anyone feel better :P

P.S: Loving the family time. Too bad it's only a few weeks a year...

I don't wanna die...sometimes I wish I've never been boRn at all

I hate Sunday afternoons. You just have nothing to do, and it seems like the minutes take years to pass. And it's SCHOOL tomorrow. And I hate writing a novel for English. Annnd I just wanna complain all I want.

Anyway, about good stuff, Fitness First is awesome. It's like I don't feel the time when I'm there, and today I started my personal training sessions with boxing :D it was greaaaat. I just punched and punched for a solid half an hour. HARD. xD

My dad's coming in a few days, don't know if it's good or bad. It's always good at first but then he starts criticizing me 24/7 and I just wish he would go back. It's Persian new year anyway :D We may be doing something about it in school but it's not gonna be huge cause it's exactly in the middle of term exams.

And well that's all about the good stuff.
How many disasters a country can handle at once? Earthquake, tsunami and possible nuclear leaking. I can't imagine how the people are there in Japan. I just wish they would all be safe..

P.S: Michael Buble's concert in Malaysia tonight. :| I'm just so miserable :-<

:|

I'm so confused these days. It's like the world is moving forward and I'm just standing behind waiting for something that I don't even know what is it. It's...bad. I'm not doing anything. I can't. I guess I'm kinda, mind-paralyzed. I can't decide, I can't choose, I can't even think straight. Something's awfully wrong these days. And it's strange because nothing's really wrong in my life. I'm not depressed. I'm not having any frienship problems. I'm not having the third world war with my mom. I'm not doing bad in school. I'm not unhappy with  my current relationship. There's really no reason for this.. I just want it to end cause the term exams are so freaking close..

Even physically, I'm always tired no matter how many hours I sleep I get (and they are a lot..) I forget things easily, I can't remember what I wanted to do or say a few seconds later. I can't concentrate on studying annnd I have this urge to eat even though I'm not hungry. This is the weirdest mood I've ever experienced. It's all so overwhelming...I'm worrying about something in my subconscious and I can't even figure out what that is. Even my dreams are bad these days. They are long and full of warnings and stressing elements. I don't feel safe anywhere..

Ahh. My mind is about to explode. I can't explain this.

the show must go oN

So today was officially my first day at FitnessFirst :D Went with my mom, watched MTV while working out. I love the atmosphere there. Everyone's so friendly, it's like a huge family. Gonna try the yoga class tomorrow.

And then...I rushed into a first date without heading back home and that was just a BAD IDEA. I mean I showered there, but I hadn't brought my make up stuff or earrings or necklace and bag..felt kinda weird and I was tired so there was a bit of silence there but it wasn't awkward, it was like a mental conversation through...hands :D

Then we went to watch The Adjustment Bureau and it kinda sucked and got boring, but we had a laugh outta it anyway...I guess it was a lame version of Inception :D Matt Damon kinda does look like Leo DiCaprio and even  Emily Blunt looks like that girl in Inception and the theme was sci-fi and weird stuff happened too but really the story sucked. Gaah. Not the best movie to start with :D BTW it was my first time going to the movies alone with a boy and it wasn't as bad as I expected.

Then it rained like crazy, and we just decided to walk through it anyway :P I got on the bus then and he called me and was on the phone with me until I got home xD
I'm sooooo tired now.
Like, really tired.

Still hoping that it lasts forever. His words are comforting. I've never heard stuff like that from a boy and I know it's hard for him to say it but he still makes the effort anyway. Maybe they CAN be good after all.

Lucky to have stayed where I stayed...

Today was the best day ever...no biology and maths 'cause Ms.Neeti and Mr.Rama were absent :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Okay I can't stop being happy about it lol. So we just wasted time, played group games and he was all mine. :) The only bad part of today was the activities time, I still can't f***ing understand why boys and girls should be separated. I mean, girls do NOTHING! All they do during that time is talking and gossiping in small groups, and of course no one plays anything. I miss playing football with boys like last year. Now I should just join the club of bitches, talking about every single person's private life in school. Arrrgh.

BUT I guess we solved some problems today with some people. Peace all over. Feels good, even if the problems are not solved deep inside at least you can pretend like they are and just be nice in each other's faces, I don't give a damn about behind-my-back-talks. I just can't care anymore. xD

I know that in first steps of relationships everything seems perfect, you're on top of the world and nothing can bring you down. I just hope it will be like that forever. :) 

P.S: TERM EXAMS IN ELEVEN FREAKING DAYSSSS!!!! :-SsSsSs

I just don't have any idea about what the title should be :D

Woke up to this huge red eye of mine, I was freaked out. Like, the whole white part of my eye was REEEDDDD, and you could see the tiny blood vessels (ehem...capillaries since I am a Human Biology student :D) just popping out...scary shit. So I was so horrified I told my mom there's no way I'm going to school like that (AND with glasses!) and I wanna wait until 10 to see a doctor or something. It could have been eye infection which sucks and can lead to blindness, and is caused by dirty eye contacts and HEY, I'm wearing contacts everyday since February 2010. But oh well...I fell asleep...woke up at 12...my eye's fine now. Doesn't even hurt anymore.

Piano is a bit more complicated than I expected it to be but my teacher says that I'm talented and I'm a fast learner, and I'm gonna start learning how to play John Lennon's Imagine :) And will probably buy a keyboard of my own...really need to practice more.

So sleeeeeepy.
I missed seeing him all day long.
And when he called, it was like heaven.

It sucks that you're always gonna sound cheesy when you're in love. :D

CaN't touch thiS!

Whoa, so now Justin Bieber's birthday is a national day? o.O that was all everybody was talking about all day long in school AND out and half of the Facebook statuses was about him..I mean, come on! o.O

So me and Shannon and Harold went to KLCC after school to watch I Am Number Four! :D The movie was good, could have been better though. Everything was kinda rushed. And then Harold left early and we had an awesome girls hang out, windowshopping and checking out hot guys :D And talked talked talked. I needed something like this, wasn't really allowed to hang out this month...lolz.

ANNNNDDDD we finally went to check FitnessFirst! IT'S AWESOME. The guys kinda gave us a tour of the whole gym and they have all those work out machines and stuff and steps and those big gym balls :D a big room for yoga and a huge room for dance routines with mirrors all over, and sauna and cafe and TVs to watch while you run on the treadmill. I mean like, a heaven! It had everything. I'm sooooo going for it no matter how much money I should cut from my pocket money. I calculated that I'll be a smoking hot chick by summer if I start now :D:D:D:D

Do I have to repeat that he's so sweeeeet everyday? :D It's been  a week.. :)
LIFE JUST CAN'T GET ANY BETTER!!!