Glowing dim as an amber

It's 05:27 in the morning, I've stayed up all night and I'll be going to school for the last time today to get my report card.

I don't know what happened to me again. I'm SHAKING with tears. It's like, I keep it locked there, perfectly hidden, and then it needs a trigger and BOOM! It's out, it's violently out. I don't know what's wrong with me! I know it's not good to write when you're in an extreme condition like this cause you'll say things you'll regret but I can't help it I have to get it out and well after all it's my freaking personal weblog no matter how nonsense it's in it, it's mine.

Why can't I just have somebody, what the hell is wrong with me? I know I'm not hot or something but that's not the reason, it amazes me how people can easily be together, and how hard everything is for me, I'm tired, I'm sick and tired of this, I smashed my pride for something that I thought was worth it but it wasn't, and now I've lost everything, IT SUCKS, I'm freaking crying like hell now and it makes me angry because I let myself be weak and I hate it, I wish I could just get a grip and pretend nothing's happened... I WANT to, and I'm trying, but whenever it starts getting better and I think it's finally worked, something else happens again. I'm tired of following, maybe it's their turn to follow me, I'm tired of smashing my pride like that, I want my ego back. I feel disgusted with myself. He ruined basically everything I used to be.

ENOUGH OF THE BULLSHIT.

Today (practically yesterday) was the Christmas assembly. I sang Once Upon A December with Lilian. And it doesn't help a thing, actually it's a negative thing cause I feel really awful singing next to HER, she has this amazing voice and of course the whole school was watching and they'll compare me to her and all that stuff.

And then there was this after school fight Shannon and Hamza had, I really can't have more stuff to make me worse at the moment. I don't want my friends fighting. It's the worst feeling in the world. When Alireza and Shannon had a fight it was awful, I forced her to make up for that.

Can't wait for Iran. I need to get outta here for a while...too much drama.

P.S: Sugababes' Too Lost In You can make me cry. Duh.
P.S 2: I've started this fruits diet which sucks but I should stick to it cause I feel so FAT.