So I'm living those awesome lazy days after exams. And everything's so empty, so pointless. I sleep until late and then wake up and stare at myself in the mirror for a while, the same serious expression looks at me in disapproval and then I get online to forget about everything else. It's almost like a drug, like I wanna escape life.
No...I'm in love with life...I've already said it before...but the people in it make it hard.
This is my honest confession. I know some people read it without commenting, people who personally know me. But really, I don't mind anymore, I just want to get it out.
I'm scared. It pains me to see how everybody else easily get together, and I've been looking and looking and wanting and I always end up getting hurt, and alone. I've always thought that maybe I should wait for a while, but how come others shouldn't wait? They get who they want easily. Nothing seems to be in their way. What's wrong with me?
The people I love are special. Not like everyone else. Doesn't make me special though, it just means that I go for those people normally wouldn't. And I don't know why, somehow it's always me, they never stick with me. What's my problem? Sometimes I just wish I could be like them...so easily, falling for shallow stuff and lies...but I can't. I guess I'm better off alone, at least for a while. My mom says I'm rushing, that I'm still too young to be hopeless like this. But I'm tired of being on my own, sometimes I just need someone to simply say that they love me. I'm tired of always being the strong one. I can't keep this face up anymore...I need to be with someone. I need to love someone to feel strong again. My life is just so EMPTY. Everyone around me thinks I have the fairytale life, and everything's perfect, but they can never see the pain inside. I put a good cover on...but behind it it's just me, alone again. And fuck it, now I'm covered in tears again. :|
I've learned to leave the past where it should be. I decided to forget about him. Maybe my affections are too strong for him :) but what hurts the most is that he's avoiding me cause he thinks if he gets close, I might get my hopes high...heh. I just don't wanna lose him as a friend too.
Sometimes I get paranoid, thinking that everyone hates me, even my friends...
Speaking of friends...
They weren't there when I needed them. And I'm not gonna forget that when they come back and need my help. :|
Talked too much again...I just needed to get it out.
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