They say it's all fair in love and in war

Sittin' in Starbucks AGAIN. I'm really getting sick of it :D

So today we'll be heading back to KL - in exactly two hours - and then I have to get ready for school :-/ Monday left and we'll have a one week holiday because of Chinese New Year which is awesome :D 

I don't know how to feel. Maybe writing about it is stupid. Lame maybe. I just know that I want to have something of my days when I look back, just a piece of memory...I care about this kind of stuff. Can't let go of the past, and always scared of the new things. That really sucks. 

But guess what saves me? The crazy need to reach for the goals I set, and the fact that I face hard stuff no matter how much they hurt. You know, when I think about it it really makes me feel good, cause I really don't think I'm much of a good person but that single positive trait helps. 

Okay I'm not making any sense here. I just miss home.

P.S: WHY SHOULD MICHAEL BUBLE BE ENGAGED?! THAT DELICIOUS THING! :D

I try so very hard not to loSe it

So this is the third one in what...seven months?! I'm really beginning to think something's awfully wrong with me. Or not. I have no idea. I just read something that I shouldn't have, one of those things that you should never know no matter how important they are and your heart just sinks. Now I'm trying to get over that feeling by writing, maybe talking about it makes it better...hope it works. :-/

Reached Penang Island yesterday and it's so far so good. I'm not really a travel lover but getting out of that crowded and big city for a while was nice. It's cooler than KL because it's by the sea and is full of hills. So we arrived at seven something in the evening, put our stuff in the hotel and then went out to explore the area, and ended up at Starbucks until they closed at 12 :D Cabs are rare here I've no idea why, even though lots of tourists are here. Generally things are different here. People are more friendly, the buildings are less and the ocean is everywhere. So we couldn't find a cab at 12 and got to our hotel because some nice guy offered us a ride, I'm sure it would never happen in KL. :D

I was so tired that I finally had a real sleep without trying so hard to tell my mind to shut up. Woke up around nine, had breakfast (fruits for me - I hate hotel's breakfast sausages xD) then strolled down the beach which was right in front of us because it's a beach hotel. It was cool until I decided to go in the water and the salty water hit my injured knee (HAD A BLEEDING KNEE YESTERDAY IN P.E!) and it hurt like shhiiiiiit so I went up to fix it...now it looks kinda weird. No infection please. Mom's been nagging about having an injection for it since yesterday. o.O

The bus system here is way cooler. Explored the whole island with it :D Now we're sitting in McDonald's because of the WiFi, I hate the food. Will be back in KL by tomorrow night.

Okay, I think I successfully distracted myself...thanks.

I caN feel your heartbeat

My first activities in this term...badminton! It can be boring but today it wasn't and we reaaalllly played, hardcore! :P 

I hate the drama behind everything though. I'm deciding to not have any 'best friend' at all, cause once you mark them your bestie things will fall apart, and I've learnt that the closest person to you can become a total stranger the next day. Exprienced this way too much to risk again. I'm going to hang out with everyone, not dedicating my life to a particular person. :-/ I'll take no sides. I'll stay outta drama. IF I can. xD 

Sitting in Starbucks, right beside the big glassy window and I see people when they walk pass it, the cars and the view of the big awesome De Palma hotel. 

Love writing in here even though it's always ' 0 comments' :D . I personally know three people who read this regularly and eight other people are subscribed to its feed in GR. It's creepy, knowing that real people in your life read this. I try to forget that fact when I'm writing though. 

I feel so many changes! Little things that didn't matter before make my day now, new stuff to do, and Gossip Girl is no longer entertaining haha. I... even don't miss 'them'. Jusssstttt waiting for my daddy. Let's hope I won't jump in his arms in the airport. 

I'm having the time of my lifeeeeeee...and I never felt this way before! =p

Can I have some balance in my life pleeeaaaaasssseeee?! :D

I mean, I'm not complaining, but it's really challenging to have such stressful days full of depression and sickness and awful thoughts and tears, and the next day so energetic and loud and friendly and...'happy'. Today was one of the good ones, I even started singing walking back home and it was raining :D 

Today was not supposed to be good...apparently somebody had informed school people about our hang outs and parties and they questioned us one by one about it. That was awful, we all felt like criminals! I mean, what we do out of school is none of their business should not be their concern. Damn, I feel stalked now. They knew about every detail through Facebook. :-/

But I'm happy that no one got expelled or hurt xD and after that I had an amazing afternoon. It was just pure fun. And my piano lesson was awesome :D she said I'm really gifted for piano. And it felt natural. Maybe I really shouldn't have wasted my time with violin all this time. 

I feel good, I feel so alive, I feel like I can do ANYTHING. To-do lists always make me feel better xD and my new room has seen awesome changes annnnnddddd I've lost a few more pounds and look somewhat slim which me likes :D all the male students in school like it too it seems. Foolish boys, always caring about the outside. It's good I have good inside and outside at the same time! =p LOL

Planning to start Fitness First maybe! It's much easier and it's fun when it's with friends/family. 

wish I was sober, so I could see clearly now the rain has goNe...

I didn't write in here for so long because I felt guilty about letting go of it when I promised I will write in it everyday.
And then I told myself, what the hell should I be guilty for, why should I explain it, why should I be worried about updating a blog when I'm having the time of my life back home? So just screw it, I'm not gonna tell you a summary of my days in Iran :D

I've been having this terrible allergic attack for a few days now. It's awful. I mean, everytime I tell myself it's nothing new and I'm used to the pain but it still kills me everytime. And this time it was the worst, it affected my face and eyes too... :-/ an extension to the usual horrible arms and legs and neck. It's painful, it's damn painful. So today while waiting in Starbucks before my doctor appointment, I had a stupid argument with my brother and then he said something and I just burst out into tears like shit. It happened because of the pain, because of the way I've had been treating the people close to me, because of all the anger I felt deep inside and because of the thought of the people I'm no longer talking to and they aren't just a few, and they're so recent. :-/ Actually it worries me, I've been crying a lot lately. Even by considering the PMS factor! :D What the hell happened to that strong girl I once knew...

Used to be distracted by music while writing, but now it's actually good. It's like, I'm not even thinking and my fingers just type very fast as if they have a brain of their own. That's how this bullshit gets here, LOL.

Didn't go to school today of course. I hate going out when this happens, I hate people seeing me when it happens and having to stand all those whispers about how they feel sorry for me. But...today I got a little better and my face seems a bit okay...so I'll wear my jacket to hide the arm scars and will go tomorrow, cause I miss my friends and I get so damn bored at home and well...because I love studying. And all of my books are in my locker in school. :-/ Ow and I hate missing Human Biology classes :D I love Ms.Neeti. Which reminds me, she chatted with me in facebook asking me how am I! :P I mean, it's so cool considering the fact that she's my class teacher. She's been screaming a lot this term but after all I know it's because we're such a painful class :D Mohd just got expelled... :-/

I TALK A LOT! I KNOW I DO! ONLY IN MY BLOG :D

Ain't no ending to thiS paiN..

I just wish that I had the nerves to kill myself.
Right now I'm very seriously thinking about those pills in my bag, and I know that only ten of those white pills can put me in a painless and deep sleep and I won't ever wake up.

But...damn me for still caring for what will happen to THEM. :|