nothingness

Day Four & Day Five

I feel like a prisoner. Mom really did take away my laptop (this is HER laptop now and I have limited time =/) I can't go out, I can't see my friends, I can't even listen to music or watch movies or even talk to him properly cause the freaking lines here suck. I'm stuck in the house all day and all I can do is reading books and I'm reading Love In The Times Of Cholera all over again..."Fifty years and nine months and four days!"

Summer always sucks, but it's worse in Tehran. I can see that storm of depression coming again and life gets meaningless when it does, and I just stare at the wall thinking how stupid everything is and how nobody understands and how I don't have anyone to talk to, and how I'd like to end this...my worst cycles of depression are in the summer. I just get so numb.

And I can't really eat, I've lost three kg since I got here last week =
I can feel that I'm sick, I know that. Whenever I try to eat I just feel like throwing up, so disgusted with any kind of food. Fruits are the only thing I can eat and my mom says that I have a cherry diet! Not true. She thinks I'm trying to have a crazy diet to get skinny or something.
Through this hell, he's the only one that can make me feel better. Or make my heart beat for real.
 
 
Day Six & Day Seven
 
It's been a week. I can't take it anymore. This is the last time I'll be freaking here and I'll just go away and never come back. I hate the people, I hate the place, I hate the bad news that is sooo normal for this people everyday. I hate the pain and I hate it when all the bad stuff in the world happen here. I hate the nothingness, I hate it when life loses its meaning here. Everything's covered in a gray haze and everybody's dead.