the monster you were running from is the monster in you.

So I'm living those awesome lazy days after exams. And everything's so empty, so pointless. I sleep until late and then wake up and stare at myself in the mirror for a while, the same serious expression looks at me in disapproval and then I get online to forget about everything else. It's almost like a drug, like I wanna escape life.

No...I'm in love with life...I've already said it before...but the people in it make it hard.

This is my honest confession. I know some people read it without commenting, people who personally know me. But really, I don't mind anymore, I just want to get it out.

I'm scared. It pains me to see how everybody else easily get together, and I've been looking and looking and wanting and I always end up getting hurt, and alone. I've always thought that maybe I should wait for a while, but how come others shouldn't wait? They get who they want easily. Nothing seems to be in their way. What's wrong with me?

The people I love are special. Not like everyone else. Doesn't make me special though, it just means that I go for those people normally wouldn't. And I don't know why, somehow it's always me, they never stick with me. What's my problem? Sometimes I just wish I could be like them...so easily, falling for shallow stuff and lies...but I can't. I guess I'm better off alone, at least for a while. My mom says I'm rushing, that I'm still too young to be hopeless like this. But I'm tired of being on my own, sometimes I just need someone to simply say that they love me. I'm tired of always being the strong one.  I can't keep this face up anymore...I need to be with someone. I need to love someone to feel strong again. My life is just so EMPTY. Everyone around me thinks I have the fairytale life, and everything's perfect, but they can never see the pain inside. I put a good cover on...but behind it it's just me, alone again. And fuck it, now I'm covered in tears again. :|

I've learned to leave the past where it should be. I decided to forget about him. Maybe my affections are too strong for him :) but what hurts the most is that he's avoiding me cause he thinks if he gets close, I might get my hopes high...heh. I just don't wanna lose him as a friend too.

Sometimes I get paranoid, thinking that everyone hates me, even my friends...

Speaking of friends...
They weren't there when I needed them. And I'm not gonna forget that when they come back and need my help. :|

Talked too much again...I just needed to get it out.

Some dance to remember, Some dance to forget

So this is one lazy Saturday afternoon, and I've decided to study, but really, all I wanna do is to lay down. I'm not exactly sick anymore (I still cough a lot and I'm still weak but at least no more fever! :P) but the energy level is very low today. The exams are gonna start on Tuesday...and frankly, I'm scared of maths more than anything. I love everything else.

I guess I'm over it, the last post was stupid. But this blog is a place for me to be stupid so I'm not gonna delete it.  Well honestly I still get the shakes when I see his name, but at least I can control myself...and even accidentally meeting him on Wednesday wasn't as bad I thought it would be. Yeah, I'm over it :) There's just one thing, I really should stop listening to Love The Way You Lie, Airplanes and Nothin' On You for a while. Too much memories.

So the only thing bothering me right now is Shannon,studying, and my backache. The rest of the sky is clear! :P

I hate it when she gets stuff seriously and becomes a really disgusting drama queen. She needs to chill. But other than that I still love her, she's my best friend xD Time will make her better.

P.S: Experience! I was way more disgusting than her in my own days! :P
P.S 2: Aleksander's pre-exam party was cool :) He's an awesome host. And a more awesome friend.

Space bound

I do hate you. A lot. For all the emptiness I see in my eyes, for all the tears I've cried, for the way you make me feel - make me ashamed of myself and who I am. I don't care if hate is a strong word, I hate you, and it all changed so easily, like you did. I cared for you, I loved you. But you were too busy counting the stars, never saw the one person who truly loved you for who you are. Of course, everyone wants you NOW, but I wanted you before that. I saw the real you there and I decided to fall in love with that person. You just broke me...broke everything. Now all those girls want to be with you because of what have you become...and you feel like you've suddenly become popular...hot...wanted...but believe me they will leave you as soon as you lose your title. And I'm sorry...but when that day comes it'll be too late for me. 

Just promise me you'll think of me everytime you'll look up in the sky and see a star. 

Happy November! :-j

Writing is an awesome thing, especially when you're terribly sick and can't really talk because of a severe sore throat. Fever, body ache and now this morning, an earache. I feel very weak. And I don't like it.

So, where should I start? FOUNDER'S DAY! It was a cool day. Loved to be the center of attention, thanks to my pretty blue dress. There wasn't a single head that wouldn't turn to me when I walked into a crowd. And I had to say thank you for more than fifty times that day, totally cool. And when it ended I changed back to jeans and went shopping with Anita, and we really shopped till we dropped.

And then on Saturday went to Hamza's house to see her newborn baby brother! OMG he was so TINY! And then the birthday party after that. The dancing party was great. I'm not sure about the rest...
Seriously, I'm not gonna drink anymore. I don't like the person I become after drinking. And I don't like this new social me, maybe I was better off being a quiet nerd sitting in a corner and reading books in a huge party. I should go back to that. I NEED to go back to who I was. Dammit, you RUINED my life. :|

And I'm gonna stop going out until the exams are over...and when I do, I'm gonna wear long sleeved shirts, and I'm gonna act like a lady. I'm sick and tired of this new racy slutty girl. :| Capricorn much? Get outta my head you restless Aquarius! :P

I've discovered that I'm a brave person. And it's really a good thing... I'm not afraid of the things people usually are afraid of.

I'VE BEEN SICK FOR MORE THAN THREE DAYS AND IT DOESN'T SEEM TO GET ANY BETTER! :(
I missed school today but I can't miss tomorrow too, exams are too close. The last day of school (before exams) is November 4th, and today is November 1st. Gaaaaah.