I Used To Be Someone Happy

Have to admit that things are a bit better, lol. Still feels like wasting my time but now I try to enjoy it instead of thinking about things that I could do if I was back in KL. I try to see this awful summer as an awesome holiday...at least I sleep for loooong hours to make up for all that school days that I had to wake up at five something in the morning.

Coming back here used to be magical, but it isn't anymore. Maybe I should really stop coming back every six months or so :D I've never experienced not being here for one whole year. The longest was eight months and lmao that's awful! I should try to not come back for a while. One year or two years or maybe more?! I dunno. I'll be older then. I can decide things. [I'LL BE AN ADULT!:))))] finally.

So today, after three years I could finally came back to the house I grew up in. The new people were nice, I liked them a lot. My old room now belongs to a ten years old girl. The yard is still full of kittens :) It still felt like home, it still reminded me of too many memories. Every corner I looked at made some ghost like younger versions of me appear there, just like it's still back then, like in the movies :D It was sad.. then I saw a fourteen years old me talking on the phone for hours with him, I saw a ten years old me having a silly birthday party, I saw the eight years old me reading Harry Potter books for the first time on that old rocky chair, and I saw a twelve years old me adoring Backstreet Boys :D It was so weird. Like it wasn't my home anymore but it still felt like it was. Ugh I should stop writing about stupid stuff.

I know I'm getting paranoid, but what if the distance (for yet ANOTHER month :| ) drifts us apart?
I know it's stupid. But all day long, I keep thinking about him, and I wonder if he does too. I wonder if he suffers as much. I wonder if it's that important to him or not. Sometimes I just wish he'd read this blog so I didn't have to explain why am I acting this way, but then again there are just too many honest stuff here for him to read :D

Pretty sure my parents read it too. Scary huh? Maybe they're not.
P.S: It's on Wednesday but I'm not even sure if I wanna see them anymore...