Day Four & Day Five
I feel like a prisoner. Mom really did take away my laptop (this is HER laptop now and I have limited time =/) I can't go out, I can't see my friends, I can't even listen to music or watch movies or even talk to him properly cause the freaking lines here suck. I'm stuck in the house all day and all I can do is reading books and I'm reading Love In The Times Of Cholera all over again..."Fifty years and nine months and four days!"
Summer always sucks, but it's worse in Tehran. I can see that storm of depression coming again and life gets meaningless when it does, and I just stare at the wall thinking how stupid everything is and how nobody understands and how I don't have anyone to talk to, and how I'd like to end this...my worst cycles of depression are in the summer. I just get so numb.
And I can't really eat, I've lost three kg since I got here last week =
I can feel that I'm sick, I know that. Whenever I try to eat I just feel like throwing up, so disgusted with any kind of food. Fruits are the only thing I can eat and my mom says that I have a cherry diet! Not true. She thinks I'm trying to have a crazy diet to get skinny or something.
Through this hell, he's the only one that can make me feel better. Or make my heart beat for real.
Day Six & Day Seven
It's been a week. I can't take it anymore. This is the last time I'll be freaking here and I'll just go away and never come back. I hate the people, I hate the place, I hate the bad news that is sooo normal for this people everyday. I hate the pain and I hate it when all the bad stuff in the world happen here. I hate the nothingness, I hate it when life loses its meaning here. Everything's covered in a gray haze and everybody's dead.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
but you're still on my lonely mind.
Day 3
My dad got my report card today and he sent my mom an email saying how horrible I am and therefor she's making me to use my laptop one hour per day AND IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR because I have improved and my marks are good and I've really worked hard for this but they don't see it. I really don't know what else they want me to do, I've studied my ass off and they're like, you didn't even try. And when I tell them that my marks are reaaaallllyyy good compared to other people they say I'm making excuses. They don't know that the effing system is different from Iran. I'm so fed up. I've done all I could do.
Finally we're going somewhere tonight. My uncle's. Just me and my mom. It's better than being stuck in the house though. At least I'll get some attention :D
p.s: it's been a week since the last time we went out and it already feels like a year. I'm seriously not gonna survive these two months :|
My dad got my report card today and he sent my mom an email saying how horrible I am and therefor she's making me to use my laptop one hour per day AND IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR because I have improved and my marks are good and I've really worked hard for this but they don't see it. I really don't know what else they want me to do, I've studied my ass off and they're like, you didn't even try. And when I tell them that my marks are reaaaallllyyy good compared to other people they say I'm making excuses. They don't know that the effing system is different from Iran. I'm so fed up. I've done all I could do.
Finally we're going somewhere tonight. My uncle's. Just me and my mom. It's better than being stuck in the house though. At least I'll get some attention :D
p.s: it's been a week since the last time we went out and it already feels like a year. I'm seriously not gonna survive these two months :|
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da
Day Two
It's boring as hell. I've been stuck in the house since I got here from airport and all I can do is surfing the net and reading boring books and sleeping and eating and washing the dishes and listening to old music. Texting and calling him is the only interesting thing here. Honestly this time I don't feel anything, I know this sounds bad and stupid and selfish but it's true. And I kinda miss my dad. And my cat, she's getting old and my allergic reactions to cats is getting worse each time so I can't even spend time with her at all. And it's hot as helllll, couldn't even sleep at night. And my friends, I can't see them and I won't see them anytime soon and I'm pretty sure that none of them want to see me at all. :|
Okay I just should shut up now.
It's boring as hell. I've been stuck in the house since I got here from airport and all I can do is surfing the net and reading boring books and sleeping and eating and washing the dishes and listening to old music. Texting and calling him is the only interesting thing here. Honestly this time I don't feel anything, I know this sounds bad and stupid and selfish but it's true. And I kinda miss my dad. And my cat, she's getting old and my allergic reactions to cats is getting worse each time so I can't even spend time with her at all. And it's hot as helllll, couldn't even sleep at night. And my friends, I can't see them and I won't see them anytime soon and I'm pretty sure that none of them want to see me at all. :|
Okay I just should shut up now.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
however far away..
Day One
This is the first day of torture. And I do not mean me being stuck here all summer, it's about him being so close and yet so far, cuz we can't meet. It's the fact that I won't be able to see him for two months. I'm gonna count it day by day, I'll miss him every single day.
So during the whole flight we couldn't speak or look at each other. And in those last minutes, when the lights were turned off and the plane was about to land, we held hands secretly and it wasn't enough, but it was still something...ugh. I'm gonna fight for this. I'm not gonna give up just because they don't want us together. I'm just gonna go ahead and don't give a damn as long as he's by my side.
It's so freaking hot in here o.O at least it was easy to bear in KL because of the humidity but here it's hell. When they said the temperature in Tehran is 38 C when we landed I was like WTF. Even KL's worst days are about 33. And it was NIGHT TIME when we landed :D And I'm gonna be stuck here for two months. And I'm gonna miss HP7. And I'm not gonna see him or my friends. I can't even go out and have fun here. Perfect summer!
at least it's good that we can be texting here xD
This is the first day of torture. And I do not mean me being stuck here all summer, it's about him being so close and yet so far, cuz we can't meet. It's the fact that I won't be able to see him for two months. I'm gonna count it day by day, I'll miss him every single day.
So during the whole flight we couldn't speak or look at each other. And in those last minutes, when the lights were turned off and the plane was about to land, we held hands secretly and it wasn't enough, but it was still something...ugh. I'm gonna fight for this. I'm not gonna give up just because they don't want us together. I'm just gonna go ahead and don't give a damn as long as he's by my side.
It's so freaking hot in here o.O at least it was easy to bear in KL because of the humidity but here it's hell. When they said the temperature in Tehran is 38 C when we landed I was like WTF. Even KL's worst days are about 33. And it was NIGHT TIME when we landed :D And I'm gonna be stuck here for two months. And I'm gonna miss HP7. And I'm not gonna see him or my friends. I can't even go out and have fun here. Perfect summer!
at least it's good that we can be texting here xD
Monday, July 11, 2011
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