life would be a party it'd be ecstasy...

I want to destroy this divine statue I have made of you for me all these years, it's not something I can control, it's not something I want, it's just there and I'm helpless. And no, this has nothing to do with what's been happening lately. It's somewhere in my past, someone still there, for years now. I want to hate you, so it'd be easier, but no one has ever made me feel the way that you did. I can never experience what I had with you with anyone else. I could never find anything like that, that divine. That thrilling. That moves every single part inside of me. Everytime.

I have this bad habit of wanting things that I can't have. I know that. But I really feel like it won't happen to you. It could never be boring. I know that when I'll have you, I'd still be fascinated every single day. I used 'when I'll have you' and not 'if I'd have you'...'cause I want it so bad. Cause I see it coming. Cause it could be.

I'm so insane...
There's been crazy stuff going on recently and all I can write about is another thing that makes me wanna go back, another step back into the past I adore so much.

I have very strong feelings inside right now. I wonder if anyone can see the fire behind these icy walls I have in my world..I don't know how to handle all that passion.