the way I danced with you..

Suddenly, she was in his arms. His hands smoothed her hair gently, and when he spoke his voice was gentle, too.
"Don't cry, my brave little girl," ge said.
"I'll take you home."

-Gone With The Wind

it's a real big place.

Okay. So now I remember how winning feels like (:
First of all, my school house, Clover, which I'm very proud of, is in the finals for tug of war now B-) Thanks to our great group work and determination to win.
Our first round was Clover vs. Tulip which was kind of easy (Tulip lost in all of them! xD) and it was a good warm up for us. Then we had to face Shamrock which was the biggest challenge, they were really good and they were the only team to beat Marigold. We won the first round, then we lost the second round and it was a tie. Honestly I thought we're not gonna make it cause they were really strong, and it was a close match. They resisted and they challenged us, and I still believe the only reason for them losing was our stubbornness :D and well, they've had two ties and played more than us and naturally they were more tired than us.

Anyway, we won, the moment the referee blew the whistle, that was amazing. I remember jumping up and down and hugging people, and I remember quite a lot of high fives and pats on the back :D it was awesome. It was all worth the muscle pain I'm having now :D

Tomorrow we'll rest and Friday is the final between Clover and Marigold. Honestly, Marigold is great. They have giant boys :D We lost to them on the first day :-/ I'm positive though. I really want those 50 points for Clover! xD

I don't know why I care so much o.O people are like, come on Setareh it's just a game, it's just a sport house and I'm like Noooo, this is CLOVER! and I jump around and carry the flag and all that. o.O

Got the exams time table today, it's actually good, lots of free days for me :D And since all of the science subjects are two papers I can always get more marks for 'em. The only bad thing is, exams will start on June 13th and end on June 29th :( So long. I hope I can handle that loooong period of stress.

Speaking of stress, before the game I had another anxiety attack and breathing problems showed up again. I hate it when it happens :-/ It's like I get shortness of breath, I start sweating, my hands shake and my heart races and I'm trying to gasp air but it's just not there. I really truely hate it. But then, the game starts and  I get an Adrenalin rush and it all goes away :D I love the rush. It's the best mood to be ever :D I wish I was always like that.

I can't remember any dreams from the past two nights. It's weird o.O

p.s: he left. again.

sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

I know I've said it too many times but I'm so freaking out of time during these weeks! I come home around 4 everyday after practice, then I have to pack a little more of my stuff, then study a bit cuz exams are so freaking close, do my homework and projects and manage to still exercise at the same time and train myself for the 400 meters run and get enough sleep and eat healthy stuff and blah blah blah. And not to mention to spend time equally with all of my close friends which are unusually a lot (since when I'm so popular?! lol) It's crazy, it's like a roller coaster. I really wish this can make time pass so fast so I don't have to count days to going back to Iran.

Today it was the shot pot competition between houses and honestly Clover girls didn't do really well. I probably got the highest between them (5.2 meters! :-S) But two Tulip girls did great. I admit they're good. It seems like this year, in the overall houses competition it's Clover VS. Tulip 'cause even in the table we're so close and well ahead of the other houses. But in cheerleading, it's between us and Violet :D Do I have to say that I can't wait for sports day again? :D

I'm loving the rumours. It's like if two people from opposite sex spend the break and lunch time with each other and walk with each other, they're instantly marked as a couple. It's hilarious, anybody who sees me asks if I'm with him and I laugh it off and say we're just really good friends. Well we are. I'm glad to have him back. The mental connection is insane. To be honest I've never had it with anyone else. (The physical attraction sucks though :D )

But the other one I wanted...

Why do I still care about him? Why does it make me feel bad when I see him hanging out and having fun with other girls? I shouldn't. I know I don't really love him anymore. I know that it was just a fling. I know that it's not meant to be. But what destroys me everytime is that how good we could be. How amazing it would be. That's the thing that makes me sad. 

Speaking of boys in the past...

I ran into HIM today by accident, and it was cool. We're really good friends now. The war is over. I wish him all the best (: 

And by him, I'm referring to the very reason for me to have this blog, the one that all the early posts are about. I couldn't contain all that sorrow in me.

Haha. Now I've wrote about three different boys lol. 

I miss my cat. 

You had my heart and soul in your hands

I don't know why I keep doing anything and everything but writing here even though I want to do it so bad, because it calms me when everything is a mess. It's like my very own place for considering things and telling myself what to do. It's a different me here, the one I wish I could always be.

These days I'm busy packing my stuff, studying, and staying back in school everyday to practice for cheerleading for at least two hours, exercising and getting myself ready for the 400 meters running on sports day and trying to keep up with all my friends at the same time. The good part? I've been away from my laptop most of the time and it was great.

I'm getting myself involved in too many things this term but honestly I think I can do it. I know that this is the final term and all of us should study hard and all that, but I can't help not getting involved. My excuse is that I want my house (CLOVER!) to win this year again, but I know that I just wanna get too busy to forget about certain things and well to actually be away from the virtual life for a while :D I love it. I can't wait for sports day. We finished the song and we're working on the cheer, it's exciting. The cheerleading outfit is amazing as well. My favorite colour, RED! :D Which brings out that happy active girl in me. The sexy one maybe. I can really see that we can win cheerleading this year :D I mean yeah, Violet is good and blah blah blah, but they aren't the only good ones out there.

Sooo...we're moving out of this house and into a new one in like a week...I do not like changes. Specially when it involves packing things up 'cause I hate doing that :D

I miss home. I miss the people. A lot.
I think of them everyday. Every single day. Every one of them.
Every memory we've had. Every memorable moment, all the details...
I should stop living in the past.

P.S: Obsessed with Adele's music these days. Her songs are about everything I adore, the mourning for the past, with that sad amazing voice of hers...lol

life would be a party it'd be ecstasy...

I want to destroy this divine statue I have made of you for me all these years, it's not something I can control, it's not something I want, it's just there and I'm helpless. And no, this has nothing to do with what's been happening lately. It's somewhere in my past, someone still there, for years now. I want to hate you, so it'd be easier, but no one has ever made me feel the way that you did. I can never experience what I had with you with anyone else. I could never find anything like that, that divine. That thrilling. That moves every single part inside of me. Everytime.

I have this bad habit of wanting things that I can't have. I know that. But I really feel like it won't happen to you. It could never be boring. I know that when I'll have you, I'd still be fascinated every single day. I used 'when I'll have you' and not 'if I'd have you'...'cause I want it so bad. Cause I see it coming. Cause it could be.

I'm so insane...
There's been crazy stuff going on recently and all I can write about is another thing that makes me wanna go back, another step back into the past I adore so much.

I have very strong feelings inside right now. I wonder if anyone can see the fire behind these icy walls I have in my world..I don't know how to handle all that passion.

I wanna lay like this forever

Nostalgia hits you in the face and there's nothing you can do about it. (LT: Born To Make You Happy)
Anyway...I have a long unrealistic wish list here and I want them all. It doesn't hurt writing them even though I can't have them all :D

1. iPhone 4
2. iPod Touch
3. iPad :D
4. BlackBerry curve
5.A new red dress
6.A piano to practice at home
7.A puppy
8.All those awesome books in KLCC.
9.Basically all the good stuff in the world.
10. more dresses.
11. new high heels
12. a curling iron that actually works
13. no drama in my life
[LT: Truely Madly Deeply]
14. Channel's rouge coco
15. Nike running shoes
Bought 'em today. xD

Okay now that's too much and girly.

Call me a doctor

Do I have the slightest clue about what's wrong with me? Absolutely not.
It's like, I try to escape it, but it happens everytime and I fall back into this super massive black hole of depression. Everything starts going wrong and I keep having bad days everyday. My mind goes wild and I can't really sleep at night, I snap at people, I get hurt easily and my jealousy issues look worse than ever.

I thought that last week just happened because I was stressed, that when my mom will be back I'll be alright but it didn't happen and I'm actually getting worse, and she's no help. She's just another addition to my already stressed life. I try to not keep things inside, but the only way I can express it is with wild tears and I hate it. Yesterday I burst out crying like shit in class, shaking violently and big fat tears running down my hot cheeks. EVERYONE SAW IT. It's probably gonna be my most embarrassing memory forever...

I can't understand myself at all..What the hell's wrong with me? :-/
May was supposed to be terrific. It just turned out to be horrible.