Born to die

Today (well technically yesterday) I had an appointment with my dermatologist. She kept saying the usual things, that I should take care of my skin and apply the creams as she's instructed and 'not scratch' (are you f***ing kiddin' me?! who tells an Eczema sufferer to not scratch?!) and blah blah blah. This time I didn't even try to play nice and smile and pretend like she's right. I told her straightaway that they don't work at this point, the reaction is too severe and I need something powerful to restart the whole thing again, it's too late for maintenance. But no, she didn't think it was necessary. She said she can give me steroids right away but it's not gonna be good for me in the long term and I'm gonna regret it later. What, you think I don't know that? You think I LIKE to take 6 tablets a day, suppress my immune system and expose myself to potential infections? NO. But you don't know how it feels like. She said the side effects are gonna get me when I hit 40 or something and I told her that I don't wanna live like this. I'd happily agree to die when I'm 30 if it means that I'm gonna live like a normal person when I'm still young. And it was true. It's a genetic curse and there's no cure, so I might as well just enjoy my time while I can.

So I begged her to give me steroids, she finally gave up and prescribed me some. The initial dose is quite high (20 mg of Prednisone per day) but I'll decrease it gradually. I took it less than six hours ago and I FEEL AMAZING. I haven't felt like this is months now. The rashes are disappearing, my face looks normal again and it's gonna get even better. I wouldn't trade this for anything. Hell, I'd  be happy to cut off 20 years of my life if that's the price I have to pay for being normal.

I'm not even sorry for ranting here :P
It's something that only the unlucky sufferers will understand and sometimes it gets frustrating when others don't understand how severe and life changing it can be. I haven't had proper sleep for almost two weeks now because of the constant itch at nights and the pain from all the scars. It sucks.

And once again, why does it have to be me?
Well we have an answer here! Because my dad's mom had a mild form of this and passed me the gene. It skipped a whole generation (four children) and my nine other cousins and got me! Yay. Not.

This is really motivating me to study my ass off and research and try to find a genetic cure for this shit or at least diagnose it before birth so the parents can decide if they want to deal with hell for the rest of their lives. Just like how they have the choice to abort a baby with Down syndrome. Yes it's THAT bad.