when you walk away, I count the steps that you taKe

I was youtubing this evening as usual when I came across a rather old music video of Avril Lavigne, When You’re Gone. Then all of a sudden I was thrown somewhere in the summer of 2007, one of those long, lazy nights in front of T.V when I couldn’t sleep earlier than four in the morning, and this music video kept being played all the time. I guess it was one of those moments when you listen to a song you have memories with after a looooong time, you just feel it again, every little thing and all the things you used to be and feel once upon a time all together. But of course, the magic vanishes when you insist on keeping it…so no, playing it for the second time doesn’t have this effect. I’ll probably have to wait til 2014 to listen to it again :P but then again, I have too much memories already…

I had a bad nightmare last night. First of all, I don’t know why, but all of my nightmares have been about animals but mostly my cat. The only time it wasn’t about her was when I was stuck in a weird room with a huge black snake and I couldn’t even scream.

So…all that I can remember after 14 hours of having it is that she wasn’t even her usual goldish brown colour, she was black and white, but somehow I knew it was her. She had a problem or something and I took her to a vet, I opened her cage or something and it was just a second later when a brown dog just jumped forward and grabbed her by teeth, and swallowed her! I couldn’t think of doing anything but running after the dog, I don’t know how but I somehow managed to grab him and open his…stomach! And my cat was there, dead of course, but a particular scene that has hunted me since morning is that frightened look on her face, with her paws up to defend herself but it was like she was frozen.

Grrrr. I woke up with a pounding heart and sweat all over my face. Couldn’t calm myself easily. I know it’s silly that all of my important dreams are about a cat, but she’s not really a cat, she’s MY cat, she means so much to me. I’ve had her since I can remember. I grew up with her. Maybe she represents something deep down inside me that I’m not aware of yet. I’m kinda tired of having vivid dreams every single night. It’s like, living in another world for a few hours, and that world actually makes sense, then being thrown away back to reality when I wake up. Maybe spirits really do fly. I feel exhausted after having a vivid dream. O.o

Finally had my English presentation today in front of the whole class! I was so nervous I actually stopped talking for a few seconds because my mind went blank and I messed up a few words too..but I guess it was fine overall. It was about animal cruelty and how our carnivore diet affects the murder of millions of animals every year. I hope I had some kind of impression on them. At least I hope they’ll think about it the next time they’re eating meat.

He’s amazing. I feel great. I just can wish to be as good as he is to me.  I can be so cruel sometimes..but hey, I still miss him when we have different option classes for an hour :)


P.S: I hate it when my mom catches me singing to the mirror. :|