the touch of your hand can save my liFe

It's crazy how things can change so quickly. Two weeks ago I was the saddest person on earth, thinking nothing good is left for me anymore, and I just lost everything. But now it's all so amazing, I can hardly believe that those awful times really existed. And today I got some news about one particular person that used to make my life a living hell...and I wasn't happy when I heard about her pain. I don't want to see people getting hurt no matter what they've done to me. My 'enemies' being in trouble doesn't make me happy at all.

Now tables are turned, and with every single day passing I realize how ironic life can be.

Today was so fast...and I guess I know why :)
We'll probably go watch I Am Number Four with Shannon tomorrow. I've been dying to see it :D

CoMe what may

This is the first weekend in a long time that I was actually allowed to have fun in, the past few ones were always about studying all the time...so we had a girls night out with some awesome friends, no boys for a while :D It was cool. Took some awesome pictures too. It was supposed to be no boys all day long but well, he was on my mind all the time, and he called a few times :D He was out with his friends, a boys night out I suppose lol.

I'm not used to be so cared for all the time...but I guess I'll get used to it, and I like it haha. It's nice to know someone's thinking of you, someone misses you every minute and someone just...loves you for who you are. It's heart warming. Okay that sounded so cheesy! :D

I'm having a quite mind now. Thinking hard to write down something else about my day in here or my feelings or my thoughts but really, that was all about my peaceful Saturday. No complications.

THERE! I found it! I'm hating my body again. The pressure of the people in school expecting every single girl to be a Victoria's Secret model is just too much.. :-/

P.S: Watching Moulin Rouge again. <3 Can't get tired of that movie. It's just so ROMANTIC.

when you walk away, I count the steps that you taKe

I was youtubing this evening as usual when I came across a rather old music video of Avril Lavigne, When You’re Gone. Then all of a sudden I was thrown somewhere in the summer of 2007, one of those long, lazy nights in front of T.V when I couldn’t sleep earlier than four in the morning, and this music video kept being played all the time. I guess it was one of those moments when you listen to a song you have memories with after a looooong time, you just feel it again, every little thing and all the things you used to be and feel once upon a time all together. But of course, the magic vanishes when you insist on keeping it…so no, playing it for the second time doesn’t have this effect. I’ll probably have to wait til 2014 to listen to it again :P but then again, I have too much memories already…

I had a bad nightmare last night. First of all, I don’t know why, but all of my nightmares have been about animals but mostly my cat. The only time it wasn’t about her was when I was stuck in a weird room with a huge black snake and I couldn’t even scream.

So…all that I can remember after 14 hours of having it is that she wasn’t even her usual goldish brown colour, she was black and white, but somehow I knew it was her. She had a problem or something and I took her to a vet, I opened her cage or something and it was just a second later when a brown dog just jumped forward and grabbed her by teeth, and swallowed her! I couldn’t think of doing anything but running after the dog, I don’t know how but I somehow managed to grab him and open his…stomach! And my cat was there, dead of course, but a particular scene that has hunted me since morning is that frightened look on her face, with her paws up to defend herself but it was like she was frozen.

Grrrr. I woke up with a pounding heart and sweat all over my face. Couldn’t calm myself easily. I know it’s silly that all of my important dreams are about a cat, but she’s not really a cat, she’s MY cat, she means so much to me. I’ve had her since I can remember. I grew up with her. Maybe she represents something deep down inside me that I’m not aware of yet. I’m kinda tired of having vivid dreams every single night. It’s like, living in another world for a few hours, and that world actually makes sense, then being thrown away back to reality when I wake up. Maybe spirits really do fly. I feel exhausted after having a vivid dream. O.o

Finally had my English presentation today in front of the whole class! I was so nervous I actually stopped talking for a few seconds because my mind went blank and I messed up a few words too..but I guess it was fine overall. It was about animal cruelty and how our carnivore diet affects the murder of millions of animals every year. I hope I had some kind of impression on them. At least I hope they’ll think about it the next time they’re eating meat.

He’s amazing. I feel great. I just can wish to be as good as he is to me.  I can be so cruel sometimes..but hey, I still miss him when we have different option classes for an hour :)


P.S: I hate it when my mom catches me singing to the mirror. :|

Guess I just met ya xD

So it's weird and true, I'm in a relationship now. Haha. It's SO unusual. I've been free for quite a while and I just realized that commitment freaks me out, acting like couples freaks me out. But I guess I'll get used to it, he's so NICE. He agreed to let me get used to this, he's so patient. He understands. I never expected it from him and it's still a surprise for me, I never thought he could have possibly have feelings for me o.O Oh well.

I've had some changes, in my face, in my body, I'm like, totally changed. It's not just me, everyone has been telling me I look good, I'm sexy, I'm beautiful, whatever. It feels good. It's like power, just walking in a crowd, with all the heads turned back at you, girls getting jealous and guys dying to have you, it's confidence. And this part is gross, some taken guys tried flirting like hell :-/ Ewww. Stupid boys. Always caring for the looks. I'm the same person.

Now that I realize it, he's kinda perfect for me even though he might not have the qualities of the list I've made :P but he cares for me, I'm his biggest priority, he's always around me, he gives me attention, and it's cheesy but he protects me and hell, what kind of girl can't like that? It might be boring but it's safe. No drama. I've had my share of lust, and going after things that are attractive but don't last, maybe it's just time to settle down now. xD

Doing great with assessments BTW. Now my parents will leave me alone when they see my grades. As and Bs. :D

P.S: Why does it always have to happen in late February?! :)))))) LOL...

There's gonna be a heartache tonigHt

I'm always sleeping at 12 and waking up at 10:30 and that's kinda freaking me out. I also sleep three to four hours in the afternoon. That's too much, and I feel tired through out the day anyway. Pshhhh. 

So today is gonna be a busy day, and hopefully productive. I've installed this awesome extention for Google Chrome called StayFocused that blocks useless websites like Facebook, Twitter, Google Reader etc. that only waste your time if you spend more than a certain time on them :D If I'm not surfing the net, I can be a hell of productivity :D 

Just got invited to a friend's birthday tomorrow in RedBox, gonna see what I can get for her...I love buying presents for people. It's worth seeing that their faces lights up when they get it :D 

I'm still thinking...maybe it's not as bad as I think, maybe I should let myself gradually feel love rather than that crazy instant feeling which will blow off after a while, leaving me to dislike someone I used to be crazy about. Maybe it's really better this way. He cares about me, a lot. I haven't had someone like that for a loooong time. Maybe it's time...?! 

Maybe I shouldn't over think every damn single thing. 

Sing about everyone that you left beHind

Listening to the Beatles was the only way I could push myself into writing in this :D I'M SO LAZY! IT'S LIKE I CAN DO SO MANY AWESOME THINGS BUT I JUST CAN'T PUSH MYSELF TO START IT...

Okay that was random..
These days have been good. I'm being myself and it rocks, like I finally can use all that energy in a good way :D annnndddd it's only been one week after that awful night but I can already see how stupid was it, and how I just can't care now, it's crazy. I just feel like I'm free now. I can focus my energy on more important stuff, not bitches and drama. They have probably said a thousand words behind my back but I just CAN'T care. My life is more interesting than theirs :D

Oh and I studied human biology and biology today, my mind is kinda resting now. It's full of medical terms. And I like it, I would be a doctor if I wasn't disgusted by injuries and blood. But maybe I'll get used to it, who knows? I like helping people/animals.

So, I tried to not care about boys and all, but it's my effing nature I can't help it :D It's like my heart's learning how to recover more quickly each time, so the last few ones only took a few days and that's awesome, I'm becoming a heartless star. Buttttt there's this boy, he likes me, he's fine, but the problem is I don't like him in that way, it's awkward when we're alone and all I'm doing in school these days is trying to run away from him and he's always trying to get a chance to be with me, it's bad, I don't wanna hurt anyone, I don't wanna be like the people who hurt me before because I used to like them. I don't want to hurt him. But really, I'm not attracted to him, it won't work out, how the hell should I tell him this? I don't wanna lose the friendship either... boy advice please? oh and two of my former friends in the class like him too, I know I'll upset them if I date him. Complicated stuff.

Soooo looking forward to May. It's gonna be GRAND! :)

taSte of freedOm

Sometimes I think that I really do need to write in here everyday, 'cause if I don't my mind might just explode, I need a place to sort these thoughts out and tell myself some stuff, because when others do I never tend to listen or accept it in anyway. I'm that stubborn...but when it comes to writing here, it's like another 'me' is writing, a much wiser and grown up version of Setareh that can see everything clearly. So yeah, I'll be here for a long time I guess.

These past days been crazy, bad and good, boring and exciting, depressing and bursting with joy. C.R.A.Z.Y. But I'm glad they were there, and the things that happened happened. It made me realize some important stuff which I was really beginning to ignore and forget about. Like how much I wasn't trying hard and how I let the 'frienships & relationships' be my biggest priority, which brings along useless drama and takes a lot of my energy and concentration that I need in such an important year. I needed to cool off, I was too wild in the past few months and well, that wasn't the real me. I never liked sudden friendships, and it always turns out that I was right about it. They're not deep, and they can end as quickly as they started, one day you're 'best friends' and the next you walk past each other like strangers. I thought that night could kill me, it nearly did, but then someone reminded me of what should really be important to me, what I really am, and how I am different from those people, how I'm better than them in so many ways, brighter even. I needed to hear this. To remember it again, and since then I've been awfully calm and relax. I mean, after a huge fight you should be feeling at least bad for a few days or so, but I have a hard time remembering that I'm even in a fight at all. I just don't see them anymore, if I want to be honest.

So...my lifestyle's lot better now. No more partying and stupid,countless hangouts to waste time with, no more excess Internet which is totally awesome, I just realized how relaxed I am when I'm not using my laptop. I exercise, I eat healthy and less, and I get enough sleeps each night. This is the best feeling ever, the feeling of having control over your life. Before that, 'people' controled my life. Now I do. :)

I just don't have any idea about what the title should be :D

Woke up to this huge red eye of mine, I was freaked out. Like, the whole white part of my eye was REEEDDDD, and you could see the tiny blood vessels (ehem...capillaries since I am a Human Biology student :D) just popping out...scary shit. So I was so horrified I told my mom there's no way I'm going to school like that (AND with glasses!) and I wanna wait until 10 to see a doctor or something. It could have been eye infection which sucks and can lead to blindness, and is caused by dirty eye contacts and HEY, I'm wearing contacts everyday since February 2010. But oh well...I fell asleep...woke up at 12...my eye's fine now. Doesn't even hurt anymore.

Piano is a bit more complicated than I expected it to be but my teacher says that I'm talented and I'm a fast learner, and I'm gonna start learning how to play John Lennon's Imagine :) And will probably buy a keyboard of my own...really need to practice more.

So sleeeeeepy.
I missed seeing him all day long.
And when he called, it was like heaven.

It sucks that you're always gonna sound cheesy when you're in love. :D